Surrogacy Tips During the 9-Month Incubation

There are so many stressful moments leading up to your embryo transfer. As a potential gay parent, you are getting sperm analysis, picking out an egg donor, getting a surrogate, creating embryos, etc. There are so many events and moments that happen that you stay so busy.

There comes the day when your surrogate will have the embryo transferred in. The moment is so special and amazing so you should enjoy it. However, after the epic moment, the “waiting game” starts and you are no longer in control of anything. Coming to this realization helped us kick start our 9-month journey. As a couple, we discussed what this meant and how we were going to overcome this new reality. Below is a list of ways we coped with our 9-month incubation:

  • Weekly Contact: We decided that we wanted to have a deeper relationship with our surrogate so we agreed to have weekly contact at minimum with our surrogate. We would text often and have at least one call each week. It was important to us to stay close to understand everything our surrogate was going through so we can feel the same connection.  
  • Bi-Monthly Visits: We believe in the power of physical connection and really want to be in Little Rock, where our surrogate was, once every 2 months. We were at a lot of the major appointments to hear our baby girl’s heartbeat, growth and overall health updates. We even woke up at 4am to get on a flight to Little Rock (connecting through Charlotte), just to go to an appointment and get back on another flight at 5pm (connecting through Charlotte) and land at midnight. Totally worth it! 
  • Milestone Celebrations: Our family and friends were so supportive during our journey! The best thing to do when you are waiting 9 months is to try and enjoy the milestones. We had a gender reveal party along with a baby shower. Both of these events broke up the 9 months nicely and helped us feel closer to our baby. 
  • Spend Time Preparing: If you’re like me, keeping busy is the best way to pass time and lower stress. We loved taking our time building our baby room and setting up our lives before our baby girl’s arrival. We started building our room once we learned we were in a zone where the pregnancy would be safe and our baby would be delivered in a healthy way. Prior to her birth, we built all of our toys and baby tools so when we did get home with her, it was easy to just enjoy our time with her. 

There are so many ways to handle the 9 months during pregnancy. We choose to stay busy and celebrate the process versus stressing out constantly. It’s not easy to do (and we had our moments) but going into the process with a plan, makes it that much easier. 

Reach out with any questions! if you want to connect.

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